Sweetness Without Shame: Letting Go of Guilt at the Yom Tov Table

With Chagim around the corner, we often find ourselves as preoccupied with meals and recipes as we are with repentance. From honey-dipped challah to festive meals in the sukkah, eating together is how we mark this unique season of joy, self-reflection, and gratitude. Yet our overflowing Yom Tov tables may also invite unwelcome guests: those inner critics that punish us for filling up our plates. For many, the holiest days of the year become clouded by guilt or shame about “overeating” or unwanted weight gain. Even as we strive to immerse ourselves in tefillah, we may instead find ourselves counting calories, criticizing our choices, and planning our teshuva for every slice of honey cake. Far from drawing us closer to Hashem, this negative self-talk can leave us anxious, distracted, and resentful of our own bodies.

Research on eating and mental health suggests that when we label foods as “bad” or ourselves as “weak,” we increase stress and decrease satisfaction. Instead of saying, “I ate too much, I’m terrible, I have no self-control,” try to change your perspective: “Baruch Hashem, I enjoyed a meal with people I love, and I will continue to balance my enjoyment and physical health.” This practice, known as “reframing,” shifts us from guilt to gratitude. 

Although eating is an integral part of the Yom Tov experience, Judaism also reminds us to strive for balance. Food can be a powerful vehicle for spiritual connection and pleasure, but using it to numb or escape difficult emotions often backfires. One helpful approach to avoid mindless noshing is intuitive eating, i.e., bringing mindfulness and awareness to our bodily sensations, thoughts, and cues as we eat. Eating mindfully allows us to savor each bite and eat from a place of simcha rather than stress. When we combine self-compassion with intention, our meals become infused with kedusha, allowing us to connect with ourselves and our Creator. 

So this year, as we sit in the sukkah or circle the buffet, let’s set aside the Ozempic jokes and “diet talk.” They weigh us down emotionally and diminish the beauty of the moment. Instead, we can practice gratitude for the brachot before us, the sweetness of the year ahead, and the gift of sharing food in the service of Hashem. In doing so, we honor our Torah values, care for our mental health, and shift our focus to more lasting self-improvement, which can only come from the inside out.