Imagine the scene: it’s late at night after the most exhausting day ever. It was one of those days when you can’t even recall what happened because every event was just a blur of color. Unfortunately, upon arriving home, you’re greeted by a mess. It looks like a tornado passed through the house, and that’s not even an overstatement. Laundry is strewn all over, dishes are piling up in the sink, and to top it off, a shelf of books got completely knocked over. You see this, and

Emotions are often accompanied by “action urges” that make us feel like doing something. Many of these action urges reinforce the initial emotion. For example, take a look at road rage: a person is driving really slowly (we’re talking 20 miles in a 35-mile zone), and the driver behind is getting increasingly angry, eventually finding an opportunity to pass the slow car. As the red-faced driver passes by, he rolls down his window and bellows, “What on earth are you thinking?”

Every year, come Rosh Hashanah time, when we have our simanim and dip the apple in the honey, we utter the phrase “shana tovah u’mitukah” a blessing to have a year that is good and sweet. Of course, it begs the question of why the redundancy? Aren’t we basically wishing upon ourselves the same thing twice? The common answer to this question is that, there are things in life that are good for us, that might not be sweet and might not be enjoyable. This category can include thi

A big part of emotional health is learning that two things can be true at the same time. We naturally like things to be clear. Was it good or bad? Am I happy or sad? Am I doing well, or am I struggling? Do I accept myself, or do I need to change? But real life usually doesn’t fit neatly into one side or the other. We can feel two emotions at the same time. You can be genuinely happy for someone and feel jealous. You can be excited about a change and scared of it. You can love

We are knee-deep into summer break, and I'm sure that comes with plenty of memories, family time, pool days, lounging around... AND meltdowns, tiredness, and everyone getting on each other's nerves - the whole works! Which makes this the perfect time to create a family Crisis Kit. It's killing two birds with one stone: you're entertaining the kids while teaching them one of the most valuable life skills they can learn: how to calm themselves down effectively when their emotio

Many of us have a story about who our spouse is, and it often begins with labels like these: An emotionally unavailable partner. A drama queen. A control freak or a hothead. A people pleaser, slob, or know-it-all. An obsessive perfectionist or an irresponsible procrastinator. Though you may be nodding your head emphatically in recognition, these labels don’t tell the whole story. You live with a person: a complex, ever-changing human being with a tendency to act in certain w

“That’s just the reality of the situation,” someone flatly states to you, not helping to ease your worries. In fact, that statement isn’t comforting at all. Obviously you know your difficult situation is “the reality”, that’s why you’re so upset. Do they think you’re on your fourth cup of sleep-deprived coffee because it’s not the reality? You’ve been up the whole night worrying or pacing– usually both, and that’s because you know just how real the issue is. You know the rent

Dating can be exciting and meaningful, and it can also feel draining, confusing, and overwhelming. One day you're optimistic about a new shidduch, and the next you're replaying every conversation in your head, doubting his middot, and questioning whether you’re ever going to find the right person. While we can't eliminate the uncertainty that comes with dating, we can change how we respond to it. During this roller-coaster ride we call dating, dialectical behavior therapy (DB

Understand two evidence‑based trauma therapies, how they differ, and how to choose what fits your situation. When it comes to trauma, there is not one typical, expected, or appropriate response. Due to the unique nature of every human being, two people can experience the exact same event and may emerge very differently from one another. This attests to the unique process by which some people develop PTSD while others do not. There are a host of factors that beget this diagnos

When you’re feeling overwhelming emotions, it can feel like a tornado. You might find yourself struggling to find the words to describe what you’re feeling. It might feel as if everything is moving too quickly for you to pinpoint what’s actually happening. The wedding is starting in twenty minutes, and you’re stuck in standstill traffic. You took on way too much at work, and it’s catching up with you. Your friend is upset with you and you have no idea how to fix it. The feeli

If you've been exploring treatment options for emotion dysregulation, intense emotions, self-destructive behaviors, chronic anxiety, trauma, or borderline personality disorder (BPD), you've probably encountered Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Because DBT has become widely known, many therapists now describe themselves as "using DBT." However, teaching some DBT skills is very different from providing comprehensive DBT as it was originally developed, and as decades of resea

If you spend five minutes on the internet today, you might start to believe your behaviors and quirky habits are caused by a long list of mysterious diagnoses. Social media is overflowing with quizzes and captions meant to catch our attention and create unnecessary worry: Take this quiz to find out if you’re a narcissist. Here are five unexpected signs that you have multiple personalities. Here are the daily habits most often seen in psychopaths. By the time you finish scroll

“Think before you speak” is an expression that is frequently thrown around, usually to remind us to communicate with kindness and consideration. But this expression has an alternative meaning that is equally important: our conversations are more likely to be effective and helpful to both parties when we approach our interactions with a clear goal in mind. To illustrate this point, imagine the following scenario. One day you walk into a café to buy a coffee before a morning me

Many people struggle to validate effectively because they believe it means agreeing with the other person. If a friend is upset over something that seems minor, if a partner interprets a situation differently than we do, or if a child is having a big reaction to a small disappointment, we may worry that validation reinforces irrational thinking or inappropriate behavior. In reality, validation and agreement are not the same thing. Validation is the act of communicating that a

As the school year is coming to an end, and the transition to summer is beginning, perhaps both feelings of excitement and nervousness are creeping in. When schedules change, feeling excitement about the possibility of rejuvenation, and nervous about the lack of routine, both make a lot of sense. While you are still in that transition phase, thinking about the reality of your summer, and places that you might get caught up in, is critical to a successful and relaxing vacation

One of the modules in DBT is called “Interpersonal Effectiveness.” This module teaches skills on how to communicate a need/objective in an effective way. Prior to having a conversation with someone else, there are a few questions that you want to ask yourself. How important is this goal to me? How important is maintaining this relationship to me? How will I be able to maintain my self respect during this interaction? When going about having the conversation, there are differ

One of the four modules of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) is emotion regulation. The foundation to any emotion regulation skill is identifying the emotion that you are feeling, and how that emotion manifests itself. Once you understand why an emotion is coming up and what the sensations that come along with it, you can begin using skills to regulate that emotion. Have you ever felt like you just want to hide? Likely, the emotion of shame is causing you this emotional r

Negative emotions are like weeds in a garden. No matter how often we try to pull them out, they inevitably grow back. While it’s easy to become frustrated by the stubbornness of emotional pain, that frustration often leads to unnecessary suffering. The more energy we expend trying to fight against our negative emotions, the bigger they tend to become. When we blindly resist all negative emotions, we also miss out on the usefulness of our feelings and sensations. Though many v

And just like that, Pesach is only one short day away. Between the cleaning, list-making, shopping, and cooking, the question of what Nissan is really about may have slipped into the back of your mind. Like every time in the Jewish year, there are different themes that we can tap into to help us connect to that time. When the month of Nissan comes around, it is a z’man cheiruseinu , a time of freedom. I don’t know about you, but this year especially, I have been struggling to

We all know someone who feels things deeply. Maybe that someone is you. Intense joy. Sharp disappointment. Big love. Big anger. But when does “I feel things strongly” cross into emotional dysregulation? Understanding the difference matters because strong emotions are not a problem in themselves. We live in a culture that often labels emotional intensity as “too much.” But feeling deeply is not inherently unhealthy. In fact, emotional intensity can be a strength. Some people e