Mishenichnas Adar: Increasing Happiness Through DBT Skills

As I sat down Saturday night, it suddenly dawned on me that next week is Rosh Chodesh Adar. Since I was little I’ve heard, mi shenichnas Adar marbim b’simcha, that when the month of Adar comes around, we should increase our happiness. I don’t know about you, but this has always felt a little daunting to me. How should I increase my happiness? What if I’m just not feeling it? What does happiness even mean? 

I was looking for concrete actions that I could do to raise my happiness during this time of the year, and then I remembered the ABC skills in DBT. As humans, we find ourselves in “go-mode” a lot of the time. We usually do things every day that make us feel good, but often we don’t pay attention to those experiences. The ABC skills ask of us to be mindful about three different things each day. The goal of this practice is to mindfully do things that build positive experiences in our lives. 

A is for accumulating positive experiences. This can be broken down into two steps. Accumulating positive experiences in the short term, and in the long term. In the short term, this might look like pausing for two minutes a day to be mindful of a positive experience. You can plan to add a positive experience into your day, or stay mindful of something you already do. This can be drinking a coffee in the morning with the intention of enjoying each sip. When it comes to accumulating positive experiences in the long term, this means creating the life you want to live based on your values. In order to feel truly fulfilled in life, you want to clarify your values and then set achievable goals towards living them. The first step to doing this is to define what your values are and what is important to you – you can journal this out or look up an online value sorter.

B is for building mastery. This means picking a skill that you want to master and taking steps each day to work towards it. Whether it be learning an instrument, how to watercolor, how to bake, or how to ride a bike, one of the byproducts of hard work is happiness. The goal is to pick something that is challenging but doable. The sense of accomplishment that you will feel from learning and mastering something new is a daily boost of confidence which can alter your overall mood. And on top of that, you’ll have a new skill up your sleeve.

C if for coping ahead. Without planning ahead, it is easier to react out of emotion in the moment without accessing your Wise Mind. Coping ahead means spending a few minutes each day focusing on a situation or problem pattern which you know will come up for you. During these few minutes, you are going to decide how you would ideally handle the situation before it even happens. This is a great skill because you can practice it anywhere — all you need is your imagination.

With the ABC skills, I personally feel less intimidated about Adar’s arrival; I actually feel excited. Taking the few minutes a day to be mindful of the smallest pleasures in life, and to build confidence by working towards something are practical steps towards building happiness.