Maybe There’s Nothing “Wrong” With You: Making Sense of Ineffective Behavior

If you spend five minutes on the internet today, you might start to believe your

behaviors and quirky habits are caused by a long list of mysterious diagnoses. Social

media is overflowing with quizzes and captions meant to catch our attention and create

unnecessary worry: Take this quiz to find out if you’re a narcissist. Here are five

unexpected signs that you have multiple personalities. Here are the daily habits most

often seen in psychopaths. By the time you finish scrolling, you might be convinced that

your problems are permanent and incurable, and that it’s useless to try to change the

brain chemistry you were born with. Unfortunately, this way of thinking can leave us

feeling powerless and convince us that we’re fundamentally flawed or destined for

failure.

In recent years, mental health awareness has skyrocketed, leading to greater

mental health literacy and, in some instances, less stigma. In some social circles, going

to therapy is viewed as a rite of passage rather than a sign of failure. Though there are

countless benefits to this trend, there is at least one major downside: the popular

discourse about mental health labels, especially when spread by unlicensed and

inexperienced people online, can lead us to label ourselves, chalk up our problems to

factors beyond our control, and give up on trying to change. Even when someone meets

criteria for a mental health diagnosis and is diagnosed by a professional—and even if

their symptoms are partly rooted in biology—it doesn’t mean that their problems are

unfixable.

According to behavioral principles (like those used in evidence-based treatments

like CBT or DBT), most people aren’t simply “wired” to act in a certain way. We may be

more biologically predisposed to different habits or moods, meaning that we might be

more naturally drawn to sugary foods or more likely to experience anxiety. While our

biology influences our behavior, our learning also has a significant impact. As we go

through life, gather experiences, and experiment with different behaviors, our brains

learn from the consequences of our actions. When we find ourselves struggling with an

unhelpful habit, it’s usually less about our permanent biological makeup and more about

the outcomes we associate with a certain behavior. For example, when we mindlessly

eat an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting, it usually isn’t because something is

inherently “wrong” with us. It may be because our previous experiences have taught us

that ice cream provides pleasure, distraction, or temporary escape from painful

emotions.

When we apply this behavioral way of thinking, behaviors and habits that seem

“crazy” or “destructive” begin to make sense. Every habit we form, no matter how

unhelpful, serves some kind of function, whether it be gaining attention or support from

others, providing relief from pain, or meeting another need. By learning behavioral

principles, we can take our power back. Instead of viewing ourselves as dysfunctional

and broken, we can move toward self-understanding and begin replacing ineffective

behaviors with ones that serve us better long term. If you’re looking to better understand

what function your behaviors are serving, consider looking into cognitive behavioral

therapy (CBT).