Riding the Wave of Emotion: The DBT Solution to Unnecessary Suffering

Negative emotions are like weeds in a garden. No matter how often we try to pull them

out, they inevitably grow back. While it’s easy to become frustrated by the stubbornness of

emotional pain, that frustration often leads to unnecessary suffering. The more energy we expend trying to fight against our negative emotions, the bigger they tend to become.

When we blindly resist all negative emotions, we also miss out on the usefulness of our

feelings and sensations. Though many view emotions as illogical, inconvenient, and potentially harmful, emotions can be thought of as important signals that provide us with key information about our environment, goals, and well-being. When appropriate and proportional to the situation, emotions allow us to process important losses, inspire deeper reflection, and prompt us to take action when needed. Though many of us have pushed our negative emotions away for so long that it has become second nature, DBT offers a solution to this resistance and the unnecessary suffering it creates. This skill, known as Mindfulness of Current Emotions, provides us with a helpful guide for noticing and accepting our emotional experiences, whether positive or negative.

This exercise first consists of taking a step back and observing whatever emotion arises.

We can picture the emotion as a wave rising and falling with time and imagine ourselves riding this emotion wave. The key here is to allow the emotion to exist as it is. Don’t block or push away the emotion if it’s negative, and don’t cling to it if it’s positive. By getting into the habit of simply noticing our emotions, we learn that we can withstand these full-body signals, and possibly even learn from the information they carry.

As we observe the emotion in our body, we want to pay attention to the sensations that

accompany it. Where in our bodies do we feel sadness? What does the feeling consist of? How long do these sensations last? By paying attention to these physical sensations, we can let go of our resistance and the racing thoughts that often follow the emotion and simply experience the moment as it is.

As we lean into our emotional experiences, it’s crucial to remember that we are not the

same as our emotions. No matter how pleasant or unpleasant a specific feeling might be,

emotions are designed to appear and fade away if we allow them to. If we feel stuck in the

emotion, we can recall times when we have felt differently. Emotions like anger, sadness, and

anxiety might feel like endless sources of pain, but they will pass over time. Think of emotions like a seatbelt alarm: if we fight against the signal and keep screaming STOP, the alarm will keep on blaring. If we heed the message and act with awareness, the sound will eventually quiet.

The last part of this skill is to practice loving our emotions. In other words, we need to

accept our emotions for what they are, with openness and non-judgement. This doesn’t mean enjoying the situation that caused the emotion or liking the experience of anxiety or anger. It means allowing and opening ourselves up to the inner wisdom of our emotions, and the idea that we have relationships, goals, and values in our lives that are important enough to care about. In the process, we shift from battling our emotions to moving alongside them, which reduces unnecessary suffering and creates space for a more meaningful life.