The Power of Play: Why Playing with Your Toddler or Young Child Matters (And How to Do It Effectively)

Let’s be honest—playing with toddlers or young children can sometimes feel repetitive, boring, or even overwhelming. Maybe you’ve found yourself building the same Lego tower for the tenth time or listening to endless make-believe tea parties. These are real and valid feelings that many parents experience.

Yet, despite the monotony that sometimes comes with it, playing with your child offers powerful developmental, psychological, and emotional benefits—for both you and your child. The good news? You don’t have to wing it. Evidence-based techniques from therapies like Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) offer a practical framework for making play more meaningful, especially through what’s called Child-Directed Interaction (CDI).

What Is Child-Directed Play?

Child-directed play, a key component of PCIT, is all about letting your child lead the playtime—within safe, reasonable boundaries—while you follow, engage, and connect. This approach helps build trust, increase confidence, and reduce behavior problems in a warm, natural setting.

Think of it as stepping into your child’s world. You’re there not to instruct, correct, or direct, but rather to follow their lead and show that you value who they are, what they have to say, and what they’re interested in.

How to Do Child-Directed Play

You don’t need hours or fancy toys to effectively play with your child. In fact, just 5 to 10 minutes a day of focused, consistent, and uninterrupted child-directed play can make a significant impact on your child and your relationship with them.

Here’s how to get started:

1. Set a Time

Choose a specific, daily time slot (even just 5–10 minutes) to play with your child without distractions. Make this your special playtime.

2. Choose Creative or Imaginative Play Toys

Offer a few options (approximately three) of toys that encourage creativity—like Magnetiles, toy cars, dolls, Legos, coloring, pretend food, or blocks. Let your child choose what they want to use.

3. Use Specific, Labeled Praise

Use specific, labeled praise to compliment your child and let them know what you like about their behaviors. This helps reinforce positive behaviors that will carry over into other parts of their day—like bedtime, transitions, or mealtime.

Example: “Thank you for sharing your toy with me.” “I love how you’re sitting so nicely and keeping your safe body.”

4. Reflect What They Say

Show your child you are listening to them and value what they are saying by reflecting what they say back to them. Repeat their words or phrases to help with language development and emotional connection.

Child: “That block is blue.” You: “Yes, that block is blue!”

5. Imitate Their Play

Let your child lead the play by copying and imitating what they are doing with their toys. This shows them you’re interested in what they enjoy and helps you connect at their level.

6. Describe Their Actions

Narrate and describe what your child is doing to increase their vocabulary and comprehension.

Example: “You put the pizza in the oven.”

7. Show Enthusiasm and Warmth

Bring smiles, laughter, eye contact, and affection to your playtime, which demonstrates to your child that you enjoy playing with them. These moments help your child feel secure, valued, and loved.

Why It Works: The Benefits of Child-Directed Play

Incorporating child-directed play into your routine isn’t just fun—it’s backed by decades of psychological research. Here are just a few of the proven benefits:

1. Builds a Strong Relationship

When you follow your child’s lead, they feel seen, heard, and deeply valued. This fosters secure attachment, trust, and closeness.

2. Boosts Language and Cognitive Development

By describing what your child is doing and repeating their words, parents are able to help children develop their vocabulary and learn new ways to express themselves, laying a foundation for school readiness.

3. Builds Confidence

Specific, labeled praise coupled with positive attention helps children feel capable and proud of themselves, which builds self-esteem.

4. Reduces Problem Behaviors

Children tend to act out less when they receive positive, focused attention. Scheduled playtimes help reinforce the behaviors you want to see more of.

5. Increases Attention and Focus

Giving your child time to explore at their own pace supports longer attention spans and independent thinking.

6. Teaches Social and Emotional Skills

Play is where children learn about sharing, turn-taking, and recognizing emotions—key building blocks for friendships and social life.

A consistent set time designated for play—even just a few minutes a day—makes all the difference for you and your child. Put away your phones, work, and other obligations. Sit down with your child, be present, and let them lead the way.

You’ll be amazed at how much connection, growth, and joy can come from something as simple as a few minutes a day of intentional minutes of play.