Thoughts, Feelings, and Urges: Learning to Tell Them Apart

One of the first things people notice when they start CBT is how much we talk about thoughts, emotions, and urges. They’re three distinct building blocks of our inner experience, but they can easily get tangled together. Taking time to tell them apart is actually one of the most powerful ways to gain self-awareness and emotional balance.

Thoughts: The Stories Our Mind Tells

Thoughts are the words or pictures that show up in your mind. They’re the running commentary that interprets what’s happening around you. For example: “She didn’t say hello, she must be upset with me,” or “Everything will turn out okay.” 

Thoughts are not facts. They're mental events. Sometimes they’re accurate, while other times they’re just guesses. Despite this, thoughts shape how we feel and act. Therefore in CBT, we work on learning to observe them nonjudgmentally rather than automatically believing them. Instead of thinking, “I’m a failure,” you might practice stating, “I notice I’m having the thought that I’m a failure.” That small shift adds space and flexibility. It helps you step back from the thought rather than getting pulled into it as it comes and goes.

Emotions: The Felt Sense in the Body

Emotions are the physical and psychological experiences that arise in response to our thoughts and situations. They’re signals, not problems. They can be understood as what you feel in your body. They might show up as warmth in the chest, tension in the stomach, or tears in your eyes. Emotions tell us what matters to us. For instance, anger might show a sense of unfairness, while anxiety might arise when something feels uncertain or threatening. Happiness often shows up when something aligns with our values or when we feel connected to others, to purpose, or to our life. Emotions aren’t “good” or “bad.” They’re messengers, giving us information about our inner world.

Urges: The Pull Toward Action

Urges are the impulses that push us toward action that often follow emotions. They’re the “do something!” messages from your body. Each emotion comes with its own natural urge. For example, when anxious we typically have an urge to avoid or escape, and when angry we have an urge to lash out.

Urges are powerful, but they don’t have to control you. In CBT and mindfulness, we practice riding out an urge, or “urge surfing,” recognizing that it’s just a temporary wave. From a Torah perspective, this is a key aspect of bechira. The urge may rise automatically, but how we respond is where our freedom and growth lie.

Now, you might read this and think, “Hey! So you're saying I should learn not to trust my own thoughts, gut feelings, and intuitions?"If you had that thought, that’s a great question! The goal isn’t to stop trusting yourself. In fact, it’s the opposite. CBT isn’t about doubting your intuition; it’s about learning to recognize the different voices inside you and getting better at knowing which ones to trust.

Sometimes our thoughts or “gut feelings” are signals that something’s off, like when you sense a boundary being crossed or feel drawn toward something meaningful. But other times, what feels like intuition might actually be anxiety, fear, or an old belief pattern talking.  The skill we build in CBT is learning to pause and check: “Is this thought or feeling based on my values and experience… or on worry, self-criticism, or habit?”

In CBT, we slow things down so you can see each component clearly. With practice, you start to notice patterns: how certain thoughts trigger certain emotions, and how those emotions lead to certain urges. Once you see the chain, you can start to change it. Awareness doesn’t mean shutting off thoughts or feelings. It means learning to recognize them for what they are: just parts of the experience of being human.