Being Kind to Yourself Isn’t Weak

We are usually quick to comfort others when they are struggling. If a friend called you

crying because they messed something up or were overwhelmed, you probably

wouldn’t say, “Wow, you really should’ve handled that better.” You would offer warmth,

reassurance, and build them up.

But when it’s us in that position, the script flips. Suddenly, the voice in our head isn’t

kind at all. It’s harsh, critical, and impatient. It says things like, You should be over this

by now, or Why are you making such a big deal out of nothing? Somehow, we’ve come

to believe that being kind to ourselves is weak. That self-criticism keeps us accountable,

while self-compassion will make us soft.

That mindset is wrong and harmful.

Being kind to yourself doesn’t mean making excuses. It doesn’t mean avoiding

responsibility. It means relating to yourself with honesty and gentleness, especially

when things are hard. It’s the decision to treat yourself like you would anyone else you

love.

Yet, it’s not always easy.

We live in a culture that praises hustle and productivity. Admitting that you are struggling

or slowing down can feel like failure. But being kind to yourself isn’t giving up, it is not

agreeing that you are not good enough. It’s grounding yourself in reality by saying; This

is where I am right now, and I’m allowed to take care of myself here.

Think of it this way: when a child falls and scrapes their knee, we don’t yell at them for

tripping. We offer comfort, clean the wound, and help them get back up. We don’t say,

“Well, if you weren’t so clumsy...” We say, “That looks like it hurt. Let’s take care of it.”

And guess what? That child heals. They keep going. They learn.

Adults need that same care, even if the wounds are emotional instead of physical.

I’ve noticed this in my own life, too. When I’ve been hardest on myself, telling myself I’m

not doing enough or not “handling things,” it has not pushed me forward at all. It shut

me down. But when I’ve been able to pause, take a breath, and offer myself a little

compassion, I felt more grounded and capable. I am then able to move forward and

willing to try again.

That’s not weakness. That’s resilience.

Studies on self-compassion show that people who are kind to themselves are more

likely to bounce back from failure, take responsibility for mistakes, and stay motivated

over time. Self-kindness builds emotional strength; it doesn’t take away from it.

So what does this look like day to day?

• Noticing when your inner critic is getting loud - and questioning whether what it’s

  saying is helpful

• Allowing yourself to take breaks without feeling guilty

• Recognizing when you're overwhelmed and choosing to respond with care, not

  punishment

• Reminding yourself that having a hard day doesn’t mean you’re doing life wrong

• Speaking to yourself with the same tone you’d use with a loved one going

  through something similar

Sometimes, self-kindness is simply allowing yourself to be where you are without

rushing to fix it. It’s sitting with uncomfortable feelings without labeling them as wrong.

It’s gently acknowledging that you’re struggling, and reminding yourself that struggling

doesn’t mean failing.

So no, being kind to yourself isn’t weak. And if it feels awkward or unfamiliar at first,

that’s okay. Like any good habit, it gets stronger with practice. And the more you

practice it, the more you’ll realize: you don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of

compassion. You’re already worthy-right now, just as you are.