Coping Ahead for Summer

As the school year is coming to an end, and the transition to summer is beginning, perhaps both feelings of excitement and nervousness are creeping in. When schedules change, feeling excitement about the possibility of rejuvenation, and nervous about the lack of routine, both make a lot of sense. While you are still in that transition phase, thinking about the reality of your summer, and places that you might get caught up in, is critical to a successful and relaxing vacation. 

In DBT, there is a skill known as coping ahead. As the “C” in the ABC-PLEASE skills, coping ahead help reduce vulnerability to emotion mind taking over. Coping ahead means thinking about specific situations that could arise, and planning in advance how you can cope effectively when it inevitably happens. 

Step 1: Describe a situation that you know is likely to prompt a problem behavior. During this stage, describe only the facts of the situation, and the emotions that you believe will come up. 

For example: There are two weeks between the end of school and the beginning of camp, and all of your kids are home. You know that your children are going to say over and over, “Mommy, I’m bored, there’s nothing to do!” Last summer you lost your temper each time this happened, and therefore you want to cope ahead for this summer. In that situation, you might imagine feeling angry and having the action urge to scream at your children, “stop it.” 

Step 2: Decide now which coping and problem solving skills you want to use in the situation. Write a detailed plan of how you will cope in that specific situation even while feeling strong emotions and action urges. 

For example: During the two weeks when my children are all home, and my child comes to me and says “Mommy, I’m soooo bored,” I plan to take three deep breaths before responding to him. Then, I will use opposite action to act against my anger urges. In a soft voice, with a gentle smile, I will respond to my child, “it makes sense that you’re bored with all of the free time that you have now. Should we write a list together of activities to do when you’re feeling bored?” 

Step 3: Imagine the situation in as much detail as possible. Don’t just observe how this situation would look, instead imagine yourself as if you are in that situation right now. 

Step 4: Rehearse in your mind what it would look like to cope effectively in that situation. Look back to step 2, and imagine yourself responding in that effective way. Rehearse what you plan on saying, how you plan on behaving, and how you can cope effectively if you or someone else goes off script. Think about the worst case scenario and then imagine yourself coping effectively with that. Practice this script over and over again until you are confident in your abilities to cope effectively. 

Step 5: After you have rehearsed this scenario, practice relaxation. Whatever it is that allows you to refocus and de-stress, do it! Then, when the situation happens in real time, allow yourself to relax afterwards too.