Shana Tovah U’Mitukah: How to Build a Life (and Year!) That is Both Sweet and Good
Every year, come Rosh Hashanah time, when we have our simanim and dip the apple in the honey, we utter the phrase “shana tovah u’mitukah” a blessing to have a year that is good and sweet. Of course, it begs the question of why the redundancy? Aren’t we basically wishing upon ourselves the same thing twice?
The common answer to this question is that, there are things in life that are good for us, that might not be sweet and might not be enjoyable. This category can include things like medicine that might be healing for us, but doesn’t taste good, or starting a new year in school which might be good for our growth and education but might be difficult and stressful. Likewise, there are things in life that might be sweet, that might feel good and be enjoyable, but aren’t actually good for us. This might include things like candy, which tastes good but isn’t great for our teeth or our blood sugar, or scrolling on our phones which might give us short-term entertainment, but can be time-wasting and even addicting at times.
When we ask to have a year that is good and sweet, it means that we want to have a year that isn’t just good for us, but one that also feels good to us. It means experiences that not only give people short-term happiness and enjoyment, but also leave them feeling satisfaction and fulfillment in the long-term. Experiences that might be hard, but are also enjoyable. This bracha is focused on creating for ourselves a life that is meaningful and worth living, a concept that is all too familiar to the therapy environment.
In DBT specifically, we have a concept about building a life worth living, as a response to our emotional vulnerabilities. When we are already stressed, or upset, or living a life that we find dissatisfying, it makes it so much harder to manage our emotions and behave in a more balanced way. Therefore, it is important for us to create for ourselves a life that we find worthy of living. How do we do that? By engaging in activities that are good and that are sweet.
For engaging in sweet activities, DBT recommends that we accumulate positive experiences for ourselves, that we engage in things that bring us joy. These activities can be small, like getting ourselves a cup of coffee and enjoying the sunrise, or they can be bigger, like going on a vacation. When we increase our positive experiences, we in turn experience more positive emotions, thus making our day-to-day lives more enjoyable and sweet.
For engaging in good activities, DBT advises us to build mastery, or to engage in activities that might not feel good in the moment, but bring us satisfaction when we do them. This can include things like learning something new or engaging in a new skill, or it can even include tasks like cleaning up and organizing, things that give us a sense of accomplishment when we do them. Additionally, DBT advises us to act in accordance with our values, even when it might not be so comfortable, so that we can feel satisfied and ultimately comfortable with our decisions and the life we choose to live. While these actions might not feel so great in the moment, they give our lives meaning and allow us to look back at our lives with satisfaction.
The key to building for ourselves a life that is worth living, is to engage in both activities that give us short-term and long-term satisfaction and pleasure. It is not enough to simply do what feels good in the moment and it is burdensome to only do that which challenges us. The bracha enumerates perfectly what an enjoyable life entails, balance.
Wishing everyone a year and a life full of goodness and sweetness. Happy new year!
