As we embark on the month of Elul, many of us take the time to reflect on our actions and aspire to repair our relationships both with others and G-d. Teshuva, the concept of returning to ourselves and G-d through the process of atoning for our wrongdoings, can take many forms. For many, Teshuva often looks somewhat like a spiritual new year's resolution. Individuals identify an area of their spiritual existence that could use some attention. From there, individuals attempt to make changes in their actions with the ultimate goal of growing close to G-d.
The research on typical new year's resolutions has shown some pretty bleak findings. According to a study conducted by Forbes Health, on average, New Year’s resolutions and goals only last for 3.74 months. Oftentimes, individuals set out to achieve goals that are too large, unrealistic, or lack proper planning. This post will attempt to outline some tips from a psychological perspective that will help us with achieving our Teshuva goals.
To begin, it's always best to take time to deeply reflect on an area that we want to work on. In Judaism, we call this concept Cheshbon Ha’Nefesh, meaning analyzing the soul. Rav Soloveitchik explains that this concept of analyzing the soul is a way we imitate G-d. Just as G-d took time after each day of creation to analyze His work, we too should take time to monitor our actions and assess our choices. Cheshbon HaNefesh or reflecting can take the form of spending time journaling, meditating, or even simply thinking deeply about how we could grow. Research suggests that those who made resolutions were 10% more likely to make positive changes in their lives than those who did not make resolutions. This suggests that the very step of setting a goal and getting into a growth-oriented mindset can be fundamental in the success of our Teshuva.
Research also indicates that resolutions that were approach-oriented were more successful than those that were avoidance oriented. Therefore, when considering what our teshuva goals may be, it's helpful to try to frame them in a more positive way, meaning that add something to our routine instead of taking something away from our routine.
After spending time reflecting and reaching some understanding of what we would like to improve on, planning is crucial in making the positive changes we desire. It is important to ground our abstract goals in tangible actions. For example, if we have the abstract goal of feeling G-d’s presence more in our lives, it is vital to ground it in a tangible action like saying brachot more often. By tying our goals to actions, we give ourselves a practical plan of how to improve.
Another research study compared two groups of people who made resolutions. One group received social support when trying to keep up with their resolutions, while the other group did not. The results found that the group that received support had significantly more successful resolutions. Therefore, when we set out on our Teshuva journeys, it is helpful to receive support from a friend, family member, mentor, or teacher that can encourage us to be the best version of ourselves.
It is also necessary to keep our expectations realistic and honest. Working on yourself is not always as straightforward as making a plan. Oftentimes, during the process of growing, we experience setbacks. It is important to remember that we are all human and that even if we don’t succeed at first, we can always try again.
Elul’s spirit of self improvement can be very overwhelming. We must remind ourselves that we can always keep growing. In Devarim 30:14, the passuk states “כִּֽי־קָר֥וֹב אֵלֶ֛יךָ הַדָּבָ֖ר מְאֹ֑ד בְּפִ֥יךָ וּבִלְבָֽבְךָ֖ לַֽעֲשׂתֽוֹ”, which translates to “Rather, [this] thing is very close to you; it is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can fulfill it.” The Ramban explains “this thing” the Passuk is talking about refers to Teshuva. The Torah is confident that Teshuva is feasible for all of us. Hashem always wants us to return and be close to Him. As Rav Lichtenstein famously explains, balancing the dialectical emotions of humility and confidence is needed for successful Teshuva. Teshuva requires critically realizing our wrongdoings and having faith that we can be better.
This Elul, we should all aspire to grow and mend our relationships with our friends, families, and Hashem. Wishing everyone a Shana Tova and a happy and healthy sweet new year!
Citations
“New Year’s Resolutions Statistics 2024.” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 18 July 2024, www.forbes.com/health/mind/new-years-resolutions-statistics/.
Norcross, J. C., Mrykalo, M. S., & Blagys, M. D. (2002). Auld lang syne: success predictors, change processes, and self-reported outcomes of New Year's resolvers and nonresolvers. Journal of clinical psychology, 58(4), 397–405. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.1151
“Cheshbon Hanefesh.” The Mussar Institute, 31 Jan. 2024, mussarinstitute.org/cheshbon-hanefesh-3/.
Oscarsson, M., Carlbring, P., Andersson, G., & Rozental, A. (2020). A large-scale experiment on New Year's resolutions: Approach-oriented goals are more successful than avoidance-oriented goals. PloS one, 15(12), e0234097. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0234097
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