The Perfect Summer Activity That Also Teaches Emotional Regulation? Make a Family Crisis Kit!

We are knee-deep into summer break, and I'm sure that comes with plenty of memories, family time, pool days, lounging around... AND meltdowns, tiredness, and everyone getting on each other's nerves - the whole works!

Which makes this the perfect time to create a family Crisis Kit.

It's killing two birds with one stone: you're entertaining the kids while teaching them one of the most valuable life skills they can learn: how to calm themselves down effectively when their emotions are sky-high.

Because if we're being honest, most of us have our go-to behaviors when we're feeling big emotions. Maybe it's yelling, saying something hurtful, scrolling mindlessly, stress-eating, slamming a door, or making an impulsive decision. (You get the idea.)

And just like us, our kids have their own go-to behaviors too. Maybe it's throwing a tantrum, knocking over their sibling's Magna-Tiles, ripping up the picture they were drawing, breaking something, or calling you "stupid" until they're blue in the face.

What all of these behaviors have in common is that while they might help us feel a little better in the moment, they often create brand-new problems long after the emotion has subsided. We end up hurting someone's feelings, damaging relationships, making a bigger mess, or doing something we regret once we've calmed down.

In DBT, there's an entire module called Distress Tolerance dedicated to helping us get through moments like these.

Contrary to what many people think, Distress Tolerance isn't about making difficult emotions disappear. It's not about pretending you're okay, distracting yourself forever, or putting a Band-Aid over your feelings.

Instead, it asks a different question:

"How can I get through this moment without making things worse?"

Sometimes our emotions are simply too intense to problem-solve effectively. Whether you're five or forty-five, when you're overwhelmed, angry, anxious, or devastated, you're probably not thinking your clearest.

In moments like these, the goal isn't to immediately solve the problem.

The goal is to get through those big emotions without making the situation worse.

Then, once the intensity of the emotion has subsided, you can apologize, repair the relationship, solve the problem, or figure out what to do next.

One of my favorite Distress Tolerance skills is a Crisis Kit.

So... what is a Crisis Kit?

A Crisis Kit is a collection of items that you've prepared ahead of time to help you regulate yourself when your emotions are running high.

The key is that you make it before you need it.

Because when you or your child are in the middle of a meltdown, it's not exactly the best time to start brainstorming coping skills!

How to Make a Family Crisis Kit

Step 1: Pick a container.

Grab a basket, bucket, box, storage bin, or shoebox—whatever you have lying around. Put it somewhere central and easy to access.

Step 2: Fill it together.

Have each child walk around the house and find things they know help them feel calmer or happier. Or make an outing out of it and head to Target, Hobby Lobby, Amazing Savings, Five Below, or the dollar store to pick out a few special items.

Some ideas include:

• Favorite books or magazines

• Squishy toys or fidgets

• Pictures of loved ones

• Letters or notes that make them smile

• Coloring books and markers

• Small puzzles or crafts

• Lip balm or hand lotion

• A favorite perfume or calming scent

• Tea bags or hot chocolate packets

• Gum or sour candy

• A cozy blanket or fuzzy socks

• Headphones and a favorite playlist

• A gratitude journal

• A stuffed animal

• Tehillim or inspirational quotes (for those of us on a higher level 😉)

This is where the fun starts! There are no rules here, so get creative.

Step 3: Put it all together.

Place everything in the container...

And ta-da! You now have your very own family Crisis Kit.

More importantly, you've just sent your child a powerful message:

"When I have really big feelings, there are things I can do to help myself."

Cue the cheesy parenting-blog line: “It's a lesson they'll carry with them forever.” But in this case... it's true.

Step 4: Model it. Reinforce it.

This is probably the most important step.

If you're feeling frustrated, anxious, disappointed, or overwhelmed...

Go use the Crisis Kit.

Say something like:

"I'm feeling really frustrated right now, so I'm going to put on some lotion and listen to one of my favorite songs before I figure out what I want to do."

Or:

"I'm really disappointed, and I need a few minutes to calm down."

Your kids are always watching.

When they see you using healthy coping skills, they're much more likely to use them themselves.

Then, when your child reaches for the Crisis Kit on their own, reinforce it.

Tell them how proud you are that they noticed they were getting upset and chose to do something that helped them calm down.

Notice what you're praising.

You're not praising them for not having emotions.

You're praising them for responding to those emotions skillfully.

And one last point here:

Research consistently shows that reinforcing a behavior is much more effective than punishing a behavior you're trying to decrease. So instead of focusing on the meltdown that happened ten minutes ago, catch the moment your child uses a skill.

Catch the behavior you want to see, and celebrate it.

Step 5: Feel like the awesome parent you are.

Because you're teaching your children something invaluable: they can have big emotions and still choose how they respond.

I hope this was helpful!

If you make your own family Crisis Kit, we'd love to see it! Snap a picture and send it to info@thecbtdbtcenter.com. We'd love to feature some of your creative ideas and inspire other families to build their own.